Justin Tadlock

Sex, Drugs, & A Lost Wallet

I think when I woke up this morning I had something of an epiphany. Mostly, because of my entire weekend and how it unfolded, and of my declining view of the sex, drugs, and techno-music culture. Okay, we don’t particularly listen to techno, seeing as how I reside in Alabama. Then again we don’t listen to the phrase’s classic Rock-n-Roll either.

Steering myself back on subject, I need a change. I need to feel like a new me. I don’t want to fall back to who I was in high school, I don’t even know that guy anymore. I’ve also acquired experiences that would never let me be him again. I, don’t want to be who I am anymore either. I feel like a shell, void of the feelings and emotions I once had. At the end of that wide spectrum lies darkness, the absence of conscience. That’s where I feel I’m headed. So, with that in mind, here I am, an empty soulless shell searching for an ascension to something. Almost anything seems better.

This epiphany brings something with it, hope. See, I lost my wallet Friday night. A credit card, debit card, student ID, license, insurance card, social security card, shot records, $20, and a few other random things, all gone. That’s certainly a lot to lose at one time. This is part of why my epiphany came this morning. I decided, partially unconsciously and some consciously, that i needed a change. My wallet was almost symbolic, part of me still stuck in a past. I would have to use a wallet I got as a gift for Christmas, and get all new cards to replace the old ones. See, the thing so important about the lost wallet is not the wallet itself or its contents, the wallet represents the first step in change.

My real problem now is that I stumbled across my lost wallet this afternoon, only a few hours after I got off my butt and decided to be productive for the day. Know that I was very happy to find my wallet. Who wouldn’t be? But, part of the new me died that moment. That token of a new life should’ve stayed lost forever.

It’s night, I’m sitting here scribbling this passage down on a random piece of paper at the library, in which I’ll later transfer to my blog on the net. Maybe I should still change to the new wallet to help me keep stepping into a different direction.

I need a fresh perspective.

It’s odd to think I had an epiphany from a typical college Friday night and a lost wallet.