Okay, so I’m a day late on blogging. Oh well. I would like to talk about my entire weekend back home, but something interesting happened during that time. If you recall The Unnamed Girl File post I made not too long ago, this little anecdote might interest you.
I seen the unnamed girl on Saturday. No, there’s no build-up to this point or anything. I figured I’d just put it right out there. I seen her. And she was not at all as I had recently dreamed. She looked a little different, just older, a little more filled out, shorter hair. But, as beautiful as ever.
I had just finished a dinner with my family with the oddly-named It Don’t Matter Family Restaurant when the event took place. I was walking out with my dad as she started up the stairs to the restaurant. She looked up at me and revealed that smile that had grabbed me so many years ago. We almost said, “Hey,” in unison.
She spoke next. “How are you?”
And that was it, as her “guy friend” or boyfriend or whoever he was followed her up the steps.
I’m not sure what to make of those few fleeting seconds, but I know it was a moment. What kind of moment it was is beyond me. That may be the last time I ever see her in my life, and all I could get out was two words. The real importance is that she is still beautiful. She is still one of the very few girls that I can honestly say is one of the ones that got away.
After seeing her, all of those old feelings starting pushing their way back to the surface. Feelings of high school love came back. It is the truest kind of love isn’t it? The real? It is something beyond the masks that cover teenage faces, the trivial conversations at college parties, and the settling down of grown-ups. It is one of the only things that I have ever felt that has meaning. It’s the same with everyone. It’s something pure, untainted by the world. Is it love? That doesn’t really matter. What matters is that it in itself matters. It is something that no one else can touch, the world cannot grip is unclean hands around and devour.
I may be starting to venture into the deep end here. But, it is something that I miss. It is something that I long for. Something that may have passed me a million times over long ago. Love. Companionship. Friendship. The Good Ol’ Days. It is something that makes us hurt, that inflames us with desire, that tortures us with sleepless nights long after it is over. But, it is something that makes us feel.
I honestly don’t know where I’m going with this post. I just had to get some words typed on this subject before the moment once again passed me over. Just remember, sometimes words don’t have to have coherence just as our feelings never have it. Therefore, rants that take off down numerous roads may still have some meaning.